I haven’t watched a full season of The Bachelor in YEARS, but when I saw the promos for how crazy and out-of-control this season was going to be, I figured I needed to jump in from the beginning.
Our eligible bachelor this season is Ben.
Ben is a wine-maker (not sure if he just owns a vineyard or what, but they all keep squealing, “He makes wine!“) from northern California, and apparently got his heart super broken on the last season of The Bachelorette. He proposed to Ashley (Ashley? Ashlyn? Not sure. I didn’t watch it.) and she said no and he looked mildly bummed about it (there was ample archive footage to show this moment over and over again throughout the current episode), but he assures us it was totally a low point in his life.
But now, just as all people do when they get over someone they only knew for 2 months, Ben is ready to get back in the dating scene! And what better way to do it than with the exact formula that landed him heartbroken the first time? Enter: 25 women who all gush that they had the biggest crush on Ben from last season and totally want to help him find love this time around. Guys, they’re so thoughtful! Also, I just looked up his last name, and it is Flajnik. They honestly think any of these women will be able to spell that? Whatevs.
Since I only decided after I watched the episode (and subsequently deleted it from my Tivo) that I was going to recap the show, I’m just going to relay my live-tweeting from when I watched the episodes with some side notes thrown in.
They’re not twins or anything, she just had similar features and was giving off uber-cool Gwyneth vibes.
But seriously. They are twins.
One girl, whose name escapes me (Brittney maybe? Feel free to correct me in the comments), brought her sweet grandmother with her in the limo to meet Ben for the first time to show that family is important to her. All of this was a much cuter scenario than when we were led to believe by the promos that Grandma Sheryl was the actual contestant and I felt really awkward about it.
I wish I even knew how to describe this feud. Basically, while all the girls are sitting around making frenemies, Jenna becomes convinced that Monica is not there for the right reasons. It sounds like basically, Monica says she’s not instantly head-over-heels for Ben yet, since she LITERALLY just met him, and Jenna is appalled by this. Why would you want to stay and compete for someone you are not INSTANTLY 100% IN LOVE WITH?? i.e., Jenna is a crazy person. The two part ways, while Monica gabs about how crazy Jenna is to some of the other girls, while Jenna confides in a very unlucky Rachel about the trauma she’s been through in the past….45 seconds. Jenna can’t believe this girl is attacking her and “hates me out of nowhere.” To be honest, Monica was being kind of jerky about it, but that seemed more alcohol induced than I’m-a-crazy induced. Eventually Rachel tries to mend things between the two of them to cut down on drama, and Jenna basically cannot even form words to speak to this atrocious monster that is Monica. Word reaches Ben, who asks some of the other girls what’s going on, and no one can really tell him for sure–mostly because this is a fight that LITERALLY EMERGED OUT OF THIN AIR.
The editors tricked me into thinking Jenna was getting the First Impression rose while she had locked herself in a room upstairs. Luckily, this was not the case.
Yup, both Monica and Jenna made the first cut. Then, at the end of the episode, they showed THE CRAZIEST SEASON PROMO I’VE EVER SEEN. Guys. It’s about to get REAL. I couldn’t find the exact promo, but this video had most of the same footage. This is gonna be a great season.
Watch new episodes of The Bachelor on Mondays on ABC at 8/7c. Next week’s episode on Jan. 16 is a new episode.